benjamin august

A Birth Story...

I got home from Primary Childrens with mom at 12am.  I left Josh at the hospital with Clara in PICU.  I packed for the hospital and exhausted from the crazy day and was actually able to sleep for a few hours.  I woke at 5am (my scheduled induction was 6am) instead of showering I played/visited with Noah who woke with my puttering.  I was grateful for those few moments to fill him in on Clara and ease his worries about everything.  Mom and I drove to Jordan Valley Hospital got me settled and then I sent Mom to help Becky with the kids at home.  It was odd being there in labor alone.  Josh and I have a picture of us together on the way to the hospital for each of the other children,I missed that.  I got a call from Josh just before they came in for the epideral where I could hear Clara calling and crying for mommy. It broke my heart.  The tears just flowed for a while.  The nurses and doctor new the situation and were extra kind to me.  I called Mom, who was already trying to make her way back, to come.  Lissy made her way to switch Josh and be at Clara's bedside.  I felt much better with Mom and then Josh at my side.  The updates of Clara were better and I felt lifted and watched over.  I started making name lists boy and girl (Lucy Maude or Lucy Kate/Thomas Patrick or Benjamin August were topping the list).  I had been slowly progressing all morning until the last hour before delivery I went from a 4 to 9.  Three contractions later.  HE was born.  I think I saw first and shouted "boy".  Then Josh gave a big cheer (he was so hoping for another son).  Mom and Josh both said that the cord was wrapped around the neck twice.  The delivery went well, and besides some extra numbed, I felt good too. There was a lot of quiet alone time at the hospital as well, that let me have some special time with my baby boy Stika.  I let Josh make the official decision of the name and we wavered for a few days.  This experience was one of the most difficult and faith building of my life.  Even with a few weeks perspective I see how much our whole family was strengthened, boyd up by the prayers and service of so many.  I also learned that as I wanted to be there for each child, there are times when I can let go and let others help, and the kids may even be better off for the experience.   

My beautiful ben,
He is a delight.  He sleeps. He eats. He snuggles. It's only been around 18 months since we had a newborn, yet it amazes me how little, fragile, soft they come.  Ben's disposition is so sweet, I pray it continues. As much as you try to prepare siblings for the new arrival its not until their here that you see how it will go.  Noah and Clara have been so loving, helpful, and interested. Rowan's ship has been rocked and although she can be very sweet with Ben, it's been a difficult adjustment that just needs some time.  I still end most days feeling like I have not met all the needs of each member of the family but hopefully they feel loved.

After Delivery

Cousins...2wks apart

Sun Bathing to help jaundice

After first bath

First bath, not loving it.

Aunt Beck brought Storm Trooper Noah to visit Mom and meet baby brother.

Numbers came back very high so he was on lights for a few days...what a trooper!

Sibling Love



My little mommy in the making.



Brown Eyed Boy

Noah turned six. I think because he's my oldest I am always looking at him as such a big boy. I recently looked back on other past birthday posts and kept thinking...he was so little, how did I think he was so big...I'm sure I'll do the same with this one.

 I adore this boy. If I am not in the same room with him every few minutes I get a call, "Mom, where are you?" After I answer, he ALWAYS answers, "I love you". He lets Scout in and out without being told. He is protective of Rowan, and often very understanding of Clara...getting out of the other door of the car, switching seats when she has her ideas. He laughs with ease, is sensitive, and passionate. Noah is such an example of being friendly to everyone. He does not pass a person with out saying hello and usually some cute comment or question."I'm six." "Nice day for a walk." "Let me guess, you were rock climbing." These are just a few from the past couple of days.

He loves bear, lullabies, lego city, lego star wars, playing with friends, riding bikes, using the ipad, chocolate, the color green presents, and Kindergarten. Daddy dates, especially morning bike rides are a favorite. Actually, anytime he can get in boy time makes him happy. He is not a fan of veggies, the dark, collared shirts, socks, and anything sticky. He is a good little salesman: his birthday invitations had no references to legos or star wars yet he must have been soliciting at school because that is all he got, which made him sooo happy.  He is a great athlete (flips on the tramp, tricks on his scooter and bike), great singer, lego builder, wii player, brother, student and buddy.  I love this boy SOOO much!

Now to the party.  This was his every other year friend party.  The last friend party I went all out for and then we only had a few kids come.  So I had decided on all the kids in his primary class (there are two classes) and any from the other class that were also in his kindergarten class.  While I was away at a Relief Society meeting Josh passed out the remaining invites with the kids and just decided to include all the kids from the ward his age or grade.  (This meant the possibility of 18 kids!) Josh meant well...to make sure no one felt left out. We got the invitations out the week of.  I was so stressed but in the end in all turned out great. There were about 13 kids.  Aunt Beck and Grammy Pat came to help.It was a beautiful fall day. It seemed like everyone really had a great day.  

the lego loot

bounce house of fun

parachute games

pinata



nice kids, yummy treats



kindness matters

Yesterday I had my first parking lot altercation.  I pulled  between two cars (not my best parking job) but it didn't seem like anything that would warrant parking again.  I began getting Clara out on my side when a woman started screaming at me. I stood dumbfounded.  In the minutes thereafter her rant included what an idiot (in many forms) I am, how her car was worth more than twenty thousand dollars more than mine, she pointing out scratches that were already on my car (indicating what an incompetent driver I must be.)  By this time I still hadn't spoken, but I was shaky, and my eyeswere filled with tears.  All that came out of me was a warbley, "you're mean".   I walked around the car to see how badly I had parked, only to see my back, right tire grazing the line on my inside.  I could easily walk between the two cars with my huge (giving birth in two weeks) tummy,  holding a sick three year old.
Of course, I couldn't get it off my mind the rest of the day.  I was wrestling with how I should of handled it, and was worried to see her again around town, or worse, at some school function.  It was probably six hours later when it came to me what I would have done. I wish I had just said, "I'm sorry, this wasn't my best parking job, let me re park, you must be having a really hard day to treat a stranger like this."  Then I wouldn't feel like such a victim, fear her, etc.  Other lessons learned from this...

• kindness matters--with whoever we interact with family, strangers, friends
• make opportunities to show kindness in little ways to stranger: in line, while driving, or even just give them the benefit of the doubt when a mistake is made.
• a greater reverence for mothers, women, and our divine role.  As I stood being verbally attacked with a babe in arms and one in womb I really felt so sad that another woman would talk that way to another woman, and especially in front of children.
•   I have always been too sensitive,  I care far to much what others/anyone thinks about me, dwell on/ worry about it.  I served with a woman who is a therapist that always says, "save the guilt and worry for sin."  It seams like mean and hurtful words are more a reflection of those saying them then to those they are directed to.  So forgive and forget.

bus stop

Rowan and Clara love to wait for the bus with Noah.  We all sing songs, play games, ride scooters.  The first day I hauled them to the official bus stop and found the bus actually past our drive.  Since there were no other kids to pick up at his spot she (the bus driver)  happily agreed to stop at the end of our driveway (I can look pretty pathetic without even trying...sweaty pregnant mom, pushing a double stroller, dog on a leash, holding a Kinder's hand...no hesitation on changing stops!)  I really am so grateful, I don't know how I would have managed with a newborn as well.  p.s.  I love that Noah always makes sure to hug and kiss me just before stepping on the bus and we all wave big until the bus pulls out of sight. 

tomato time

Last year we were all about homemade salsa with our tomatoes, this year were are on salsa hiatus and can't get enough of the caprese salad.  So simple, yet so yummy! (mozzarella---the real stuff, tomatoes, basil, olive oil, and salt)

a little naughty...

but A LOT NICE!

This little can make a mess with the best of them, but when you do it with such a sweet smile, it's hard not to just smile right back.

sad news

We got some devastating news last week.  I hesitated sharing on the blog, but Josh thought it was appropriate.  Josh's Dad was diagnosed with stage 4 esophageal cancer.  (What started as a check up to see about difficulty swallowing turned into a whirlwind of tests, scans, a shunt put in and worse case scenarios unfortunately being found with each prognosis.)  As difficult as this news is and will continue to be his positive, and thoughtful reaction has given the family strength and even strains of gratitude...being able to say good bye, cherishing relationships/family/friends, and making the most of each day.  He has started a milder form (if that's possible) of chemo, that will hopefully let him have a little more time with the best quality of life possible.  Last weekend all the Stika siblings had a chance to be together, here are some of the pictures of the evening.