deck the halls 2011

Have I mentioned how I love being at home.  I always have.  Add the twinkles, smells, and music of Christmas and I am one happy little elf.  This year we got our favorite tree ever (thank you home depot)  it lasted the whole season as fresh and beautiful as the day we brought it home...the day after Thanksgiving.  Decorating this year was so fun, the whole family took part.  Noah and Clara already have favorites that they remember from years past and I love their joy in finding something they had made.  Clara had a big meltdown when it came to undecorating the tree,  I couldn't blame her.  I let her keep a few special ornaments on little tree in her room for a few more weeks.

giving thanks 2011

The eve of thanksgiving I spent baking with Lissy.  Nothing like baking with your sis to make you feel a little piece of home for the holidays.
 

my boys

I even did name places!

watching football

Part of the prep team.

Stika Family + a new friend - Josh's crew

Thanksgiving morning I made the kids watch the Macy's day parade for a little bit and eat Chex mix (seemed more like a Broadway Review...would it hurt to show a marching band NBC?)  Some traditions must be past down.

I actually got all the kids ready, in hopes for a successful family picture.  Daddy tried to get the kids to watch a little football.  Clara and I set the table and anxiously waited for Josh's family to come.

Grammy Pat prepared most of the yummy food.  I had to laugh that the "round the table" picture didn't show any of our immediate family,  maybe next year one of us will make it to the adult table :).



Best shot of the kids I got on my iphone. They clean up pretty well.  I love my cuties, I'm one lucky mama.



Josh's dream came to true for a turkey bowl in his very own front yard.  (He was dreaming this up even when it was just a pasture with piles of dirt and rocks around.)  The game was competitive as it could be for having Grandma in her socks (not that it slowed her down), and little kids on each side. Although, it took a little round the group up, when they were all out there, everyone had a fun time.

catch up

 I know, I know its already December but I couldn't let these memories pass by undocumented.  Halloween came just a few days after Ben, Clara and I came home.  Josh took the girls out to a few homes and Noah went on with the neighbors to fill his bag. 

minnie

pink cowgirl



fireman (handmade by Grammy Pat)



The first snow came and went. I had this huge "ah ha" moment. Rowan was having difficulty walking around the snow. Go figure,  last year for the snow, Rowan was a 8 month old baby wasn't walking and I was nursing her, now I'm nursing a whole new baby!!

My mom "visited"  (aka helped...tend, launder, cook, wrangle) a few times that first month.  So I could actually take a deep breath and enjoy my Ben!  (Clara is always asking me to hold, "that sweet, little buddy from your tummy".  He has captured all of our hearts!

Clara's Hospital Experience

Sunday night Clara went to bed not feeling well.  By midnight she was at my bedside with a fever and a barky cough.  I tucked her in next to me thinking it must be the croup (we have had it a few times so I am pretty confident of the symptoms).  I few times in the night when she had coughing spells the strider was bad enough I woke Josh, had her cuddled in a blanky to go outside and breathe cold air, she did settle down.  In the morning I got her an appointment with my pediatrician.  This was the fifth appointment I've had with the kids in the past few weeks and I really didn't want to go day before delivery but I felt it was for the best. (miracle #1).
9:00 am  Josh takes kids to the airport to pick up Aunt Becky (planned arrival for help for my planned induced delivery on Tuesday)
I take Clara in to the Pediatrician.  They give her a breathing treatment in the office, diagnosis was croup, just as Dr. H is leaving the room I mention that Clara is holding her spit in her mouth not wanting to swallow. She pauses and just to be safe rule out a dangerous infection asks us to head over to a hospital in Riverton for an x-ray.

10:30am We're all back home planning all the last minute things to get done before the baby...pack, shop, make kids schedule, etc.  Call comes in from Dr Hornyik, she doesn't like the x-ray and says I need to take her up to Primary Children's Emergency for more evaluation with specialists, she mentioned that she had already called and they would be expecting us. (Even with that warning I didn't think anything more than some consultations a prescription and head back home. I give quick good byes and warn Becky this may take a few hours due to traffic and wait time.)

1:00pm-2pm We are settled into an ER room.  I told the events of the night and day about 5x to different doctors and nurses.  They bring in oxygen and intabation supplies and tell me to keep her calm and call immediately for any change in breathing.  The xray shows a constricted airway probably caused by an infection and all agree she will need surgery to have in scoped, cleared, and tested.  I am trying to be calm but I'm hearing words like intensive care, intabate,  put on ventilators, all very common on children this age with type of surgery in the airway. As a side note:  I start having real contractions pretty consistently.

3pm-5pm Liss and Mark pick up mom from the airport.  To think we were joking about all the help I was going to have for this baby, just another miracle of being watched over.  Mom starts timing my contractions about 3 mins apart.  Josh gets to the hospital and he and Mark are able to give blessings to Clara and I.  Clara and I had been in the room for hours no food or drink, she was this sweet, weak cuddle bug who sat on my lap and didn't let me leave her to even use the potty.  Dr's are worried about my consistent contractions and make arrangements for me to be checked at the U hospital.

I head over to the U of U hospital (somewhat attached).  I show having regular contractions 2-4 minutes apart but when they checked me I hadn't really dilated.  They let me go and wanted to check me again in an hour or so.  I was back just in time to take Clara up to surgery. 

The doctors talked us through the procedure and gave us a very likely outcome of a child her age needing to be intabated due to have the aggravation of the instruments. (Which meant intensive care for a week and a week more in the hospital).  Josh and I walked her to the yellow line and hesitantly handed her in the arms of an amazing nurse.  (Another little miracle to have Clara not upset to be handed into the arms of a stranger!)  We sat in the waiting room with a few other families eagerly waiting for news.  Dr. G came to the waiting room.  She was officially diagnosed with bacterial tracheatis.  She did great and wasn't intabated. He showed pictures of how closed her airway was, SCARY!  Josh was in the room when one of the doctors described the procedure to other doctors and said that he has only seen about four cases like this (in his long career) and described what was pulled out as thick bubble gum well over a foot long.  The other doctors seemed to think it was really cool! "No way, really?"

This is where I hear everything else second hand because I am at another hospital giving birth to baby Ben. I was comforted knowing she was never alone Josh, Liss, Grandmas (Peg, and Pat), and Becky worked round the clock. Josh hopped back and forth between hospitals, Liss and Gma Pat with Clara, Beck with Noah and Rowan at home, and Gma Peg where ever duty called.


Clara was then placed in the Pediatric ICU  where she recovered for days,  NO FOOD for days, needed to stay calm during all the prodding to not aggravate her small airway (or she'd need to be there much longer). I f you know are little girl is prone to meltdowns at least once a day so this seemed like the impossible. Yet another miracle. The thought of her in the hospital for 2wks seemed unbearable.  However, she did amazing. She didn't speak a lot the first few days and would just whisper out, "I'm hungry...can I have food?"
  
What an experience! At the time it, with all the unknowns, it was pretty traumatic.  With each day it felt as if we had the best case scenarios work out for this difficult situation.  We both eventually got home and got to share what our different "hostable" was like.  I brought home a darling baby boy, Clara brought home bags of special blankies and toys from the hospital (and aunt).  Nurses have sent cards since she was home.  Primary Children's Hospital is a very special place.  Clara had some very help watching over her.  I definitely felt my prayers were answered.

benjamin august

A Birth Story...

I got home from Primary Childrens with mom at 12am.  I left Josh at the hospital with Clara in PICU.  I packed for the hospital and exhausted from the crazy day and was actually able to sleep for a few hours.  I woke at 5am (my scheduled induction was 6am) instead of showering I played/visited with Noah who woke with my puttering.  I was grateful for those few moments to fill him in on Clara and ease his worries about everything.  Mom and I drove to Jordan Valley Hospital got me settled and then I sent Mom to help Becky with the kids at home.  It was odd being there in labor alone.  Josh and I have a picture of us together on the way to the hospital for each of the other children,I missed that.  I got a call from Josh just before they came in for the epideral where I could hear Clara calling and crying for mommy. It broke my heart.  The tears just flowed for a while.  The nurses and doctor new the situation and were extra kind to me.  I called Mom, who was already trying to make her way back, to come.  Lissy made her way to switch Josh and be at Clara's bedside.  I felt much better with Mom and then Josh at my side.  The updates of Clara were better and I felt lifted and watched over.  I started making name lists boy and girl (Lucy Maude or Lucy Kate/Thomas Patrick or Benjamin August were topping the list).  I had been slowly progressing all morning until the last hour before delivery I went from a 4 to 9.  Three contractions later.  HE was born.  I think I saw first and shouted "boy".  Then Josh gave a big cheer (he was so hoping for another son).  Mom and Josh both said that the cord was wrapped around the neck twice.  The delivery went well, and besides some extra numbed, I felt good too. There was a lot of quiet alone time at the hospital as well, that let me have some special time with my baby boy Stika.  I let Josh make the official decision of the name and we wavered for a few days.  This experience was one of the most difficult and faith building of my life.  Even with a few weeks perspective I see how much our whole family was strengthened, boyd up by the prayers and service of so many.  I also learned that as I wanted to be there for each child, there are times when I can let go and let others help, and the kids may even be better off for the experience.   

My beautiful ben,
He is a delight.  He sleeps. He eats. He snuggles. It's only been around 18 months since we had a newborn, yet it amazes me how little, fragile, soft they come.  Ben's disposition is so sweet, I pray it continues. As much as you try to prepare siblings for the new arrival its not until their here that you see how it will go.  Noah and Clara have been so loving, helpful, and interested. Rowan's ship has been rocked and although she can be very sweet with Ben, it's been a difficult adjustment that just needs some time.  I still end most days feeling like I have not met all the needs of each member of the family but hopefully they feel loved.

After Delivery

Cousins...2wks apart

Sun Bathing to help jaundice

After first bath

First bath, not loving it.

Aunt Beck brought Storm Trooper Noah to visit Mom and meet baby brother.

Numbers came back very high so he was on lights for a few days...what a trooper!

Sibling Love



My little mommy in the making.



Brown Eyed Boy

Noah turned six. I think because he's my oldest I am always looking at him as such a big boy. I recently looked back on other past birthday posts and kept thinking...he was so little, how did I think he was so big...I'm sure I'll do the same with this one.

 I adore this boy. If I am not in the same room with him every few minutes I get a call, "Mom, where are you?" After I answer, he ALWAYS answers, "I love you". He lets Scout in and out without being told. He is protective of Rowan, and often very understanding of Clara...getting out of the other door of the car, switching seats when she has her ideas. He laughs with ease, is sensitive, and passionate. Noah is such an example of being friendly to everyone. He does not pass a person with out saying hello and usually some cute comment or question."I'm six." "Nice day for a walk." "Let me guess, you were rock climbing." These are just a few from the past couple of days.

He loves bear, lullabies, lego city, lego star wars, playing with friends, riding bikes, using the ipad, chocolate, the color green presents, and Kindergarten. Daddy dates, especially morning bike rides are a favorite. Actually, anytime he can get in boy time makes him happy. He is not a fan of veggies, the dark, collared shirts, socks, and anything sticky. He is a good little salesman: his birthday invitations had no references to legos or star wars yet he must have been soliciting at school because that is all he got, which made him sooo happy.  He is a great athlete (flips on the tramp, tricks on his scooter and bike), great singer, lego builder, wii player, brother, student and buddy.  I love this boy SOOO much!

Now to the party.  This was his every other year friend party.  The last friend party I went all out for and then we only had a few kids come.  So I had decided on all the kids in his primary class (there are two classes) and any from the other class that were also in his kindergarten class.  While I was away at a Relief Society meeting Josh passed out the remaining invites with the kids and just decided to include all the kids from the ward his age or grade.  (This meant the possibility of 18 kids!) Josh meant well...to make sure no one felt left out. We got the invitations out the week of.  I was so stressed but in the end in all turned out great. There were about 13 kids.  Aunt Beck and Grammy Pat came to help.It was a beautiful fall day. It seemed like everyone really had a great day.  

the lego loot

bounce house of fun

parachute games

pinata



nice kids, yummy treats



kindness matters

Yesterday I had my first parking lot altercation.  I pulled  between two cars (not my best parking job) but it didn't seem like anything that would warrant parking again.  I began getting Clara out on my side when a woman started screaming at me. I stood dumbfounded.  In the minutes thereafter her rant included what an idiot (in many forms) I am, how her car was worth more than twenty thousand dollars more than mine, she pointing out scratches that were already on my car (indicating what an incompetent driver I must be.)  By this time I still hadn't spoken, but I was shaky, and my eyeswere filled with tears.  All that came out of me was a warbley, "you're mean".   I walked around the car to see how badly I had parked, only to see my back, right tire grazing the line on my inside.  I could easily walk between the two cars with my huge (giving birth in two weeks) tummy,  holding a sick three year old.
Of course, I couldn't get it off my mind the rest of the day.  I was wrestling with how I should of handled it, and was worried to see her again around town, or worse, at some school function.  It was probably six hours later when it came to me what I would have done. I wish I had just said, "I'm sorry, this wasn't my best parking job, let me re park, you must be having a really hard day to treat a stranger like this."  Then I wouldn't feel like such a victim, fear her, etc.  Other lessons learned from this...

• kindness matters--with whoever we interact with family, strangers, friends
• make opportunities to show kindness in little ways to stranger: in line, while driving, or even just give them the benefit of the doubt when a mistake is made.
• a greater reverence for mothers, women, and our divine role.  As I stood being verbally attacked with a babe in arms and one in womb I really felt so sad that another woman would talk that way to another woman, and especially in front of children.
•   I have always been too sensitive,  I care far to much what others/anyone thinks about me, dwell on/ worry about it.  I served with a woman who is a therapist that always says, "save the guilt and worry for sin."  It seams like mean and hurtful words are more a reflection of those saying them then to those they are directed to.  So forgive and forget.