Motherhood is tough. I am in a constant battle to get even the most basic things done...bathing, dressing, seat belts on, healthy food eaten, toys picked up. Let's just say most days I am losing the battle. I have to mentally gear myself up to attempt a grocery store run, or brushing out someone hair, or church. The constant power struggles, tantrums, night wakings have me exhausted before I even start the day. Josh and I have taken to reading Love and Logic (a parenting book) before we go to bed...romantic eh? I try to give choices, consistent expectation, and follow through with consequences with limited success.
What has me I think the most disheartened is kids are what I do best. It is what has defined me, what I'm good at. It is what I studied in college, from a little girl with my dollies, to babysitting, my career, my dreams...caring for, loving, and teaching children. As a child I sang "when I grow up I want to be a mommy, and have a family, one little, two little, three little babies of my own." Now I am living my dream. So why is it so difficult to handle my own who are so loved, adored, cared for? Maybe it is to help me recognize some of these blessings and keep me growing.
My gratitude list...
- a Heavenly Father that I can go to in fervent prayer to give me strength, calm me, send peace, perspective.
- a loving companion to enjoy the ups and endure the downs with
- the mothers room at church
- kind, in tune strangers, who stop to see how they can help (Costco parking lot dead battery, no cell phone, 14 degree temperature, just me with my two year old and baby crying the night before Thanksgiving)
- music that soothes, and uplifts the soul
- HGTV...mindless, clean entertainment
- my own mother, for the example I have, now if I could just follow it :)!
- sleep (Going on 5 years without it...I will never take you for granted again)
- blogs...give me ideas, keep me connected, (since I haven't seemed to figure out how to be a mom and keep up with friends).
- Carol (Keeps my cleaning in check)
- when the littles play together, laugh, sing themselves to sleep, spontaeously hug me or tell me they love me, dance together, choose the right, listen first time, giggle, help one another, tell jokes, say sincere prayers, cook with me, sleep through the night, get pumped for holidays, enjoy life, feel success
- sisters that I can talk to without fear of judgement
- having a little land with a view that I can feel tucked away in...a refuge from a storm
- financial security
- faith, hope, truth
8 comments:
I am SO with you. It's like you read my mind with everything I have been struggling with too! It's always comforting to know that you are not the only one going through it so it's not just you! (I have read that book too!) Nobody ever tells you how hard it will be to be a mom, and then there are those small miracles (like when they listen the first time or choose the right) that make it all worth it. You are an awesome mom Laura! Thanks for sharing!
Laura- I agree with you completely! I have also read that book... and several others and pride myself on my behavior management skills... and yet have none sometimes. :) I loved your gratitude list. I think it is a blessing to be constantly humbled as a parent and realize that all our education and skills aren't anything we cultivated on our own. Your perspective is dead on. It is so great to be able to see the bigger picture and recognize that we need to use prayer constantly to make it through the day! So good to be back in touch with you! You are an awesome mom!
I am so glad you are able to put child rearing in perspective. There is no doubt it is the most challenging of all choices that we make. I believe that it is a challenge for both parents, whether it's as in your case, a provider and homemaker, or in any case ( single, double income earners, especially even for those families who are not able to find outside work available at all ).
A sense of humor is absolutely necessary, and I am grateful that your home has laughter in it!
You and Josh are doing a wonderful job, as evidenced when I asked Noah, "What's so special about Christmas?", and he replied, " It's Jesus's birthday!".
Happy holidays, and for the record, my personal opinion is that children and homes that are always clean and tidy may be missing out on the joy of play and discovery!
I thought Motherhood was suppose to be "Milk and cookies and yellow balloons!" I too sang that song as a little girl and am now livin' the dream! :) I understand exactly what you are saying...I feel like most days I've been going none stop, but then I try to figure out what I've done and I haven't a clue! It's true though when we recognize our blessings, things are a little easier to handle. And everyone says these days with little ones will be gone in a blink. You are doing an amazing job...keep having fun with your little ones! :)
Any mom, and for that matter, anyone who knows you, can recognize the raw and beautiful truth you have shared. Your friends' empathetic comments are also good. Although people MAY tell you, it is hard to believe beforehand how truly hard it is. Still, a lot is being accomplished day-to-day that you can't see. It is like trying to watch a plant grow. I LOVE your gratitude list. And bless kind people everywhere. You are wonderful, even wonderful moms get weary. Keep gardening. :)
Thanks for that tidbit Laura. Liss told me I should read it. I feel the same way! lately I feel like I'm not only doing a bad job, but that I'm ruining my kids! Hopefully not, but it sure feels like that sometimes :)
I love you Laura! You have always amazed me, and you continue still. You are not only a wonderful person but also a wonderful mother just by admitting that you can't do everything, everyday! Guess what? You don't have to! I have learned that laudry and dishes will still be there the next day and just mean that you have clothes and food for your family. Beds don't have to be made, they just get messed up each night anyway and remind you that you have a safe warm place to lay at night(even if you don't get to stay there long). Toys on the floor just means that your kids have fun and know how to play. It is easy to get down, but try to remeber that if your beautiful family is happy and healthy, you are doing your job! And doing it well! We should really get together some time!
Wonderful :)
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